Talk Hard!

It’s been pointed out to me that I may be stepping into territory that is better reserved to parents. I might agree with that, except that it isn’t. As a practical matter, young people are constantly knee-deep in a sea of often conflicting non-parental messages and both true and false information about the important decisions they face as they become adults. Research indicates they are powerfully influenced by their peers; I believe we need to insert additional adult voices into the conversations between peers at this sensitive age. Parents cannot be ever-present and furthermore there are topics teens won’t discuss with parents and parents won’t discuss with teens. Maybe they should and we hope they will, but too much of the time it just doesn’t happen, or doesn’t happen before a crisis like an unplanned pregnancy, an STI, or a drug overdose brings these issues out in the open.

I believe hard talking ought to aim to precede crisis, and thus to avert it. But it’s easy to look at kids and hope they will stay children just a little bit longer, without acknowledging the outside influences that push them into early adulthood. And I think that parents of all people are most likely to do that and thus delay these difficult conversations too long.

I am not a parent, nor will I pretend to be one, on this blog. Nor am I a licensed educator, or a therapist of any sort. But I have a BA in History and an MS in Systems Design Engineering. I have a wide-ranging education that leads me to take the long view. The long view is that we need to teach our young people to understand and take control of their bodies. Some people may hope that self-control can take place without understanding, but I don’t think it can. And I personally cherish the human curiosity and caring that can be part of young adult experimentation, but I also know it can be dangerous. I know that from personal experience; I have herpes, which I caught in college and will have for the rest of my life. My mother has faced dangers of cancer in her reproductive organs two times, which may or may not be related to HPV. These things are serious, and I take them seriously.

I don’t mean to abridge your rights and responsibilities as a parent by talking about these things. I hope you will find that the messages here are on the whole positive and helpful. I encourage you to read the site, to comment on it, and to discuss it with your child. Let them know the places where you disagree with me. Talk hard. It takes courage, but I know you can do it.