Talk Hard!

by Sarah

{Sorry I haven’t been posting for a couple of days. Comment! It will encourage me to keep doing this. In the meantime, it’s Wednesday, which means we have a Guest Post! Yay! Our new Guest Blogger this week is Sarah, with lots of good pointers about how to stay safe without letting condoms get in the way of good sex.}

It’s not uncommon for two people in a relationship to disagree about using condoms. Typically, it’s expected that the guy will be the one who doesn’t want to use a condom because it cuts down on sensation for him, but women sometimes object to using them as well. For instance, a guy’s girlfriend might think condoms are unnecessary because she’s on The Pill, and besides, it interrupts the flow of things when you have to stop, get out a condom, open the package, unroll it, and get it on properly.

But if you’re strongly dedicated to using condoms consistently, there are ways to talk to your partner about this and work around those objections. Here are some ideas.

Objection One: Condoms cut down on sensation

Answer: True, but they also protect against STDs and pregnancy. Also, cutting down on sensation isn’t always a bad thing, because it can make a guy last longer. If you find that condoms don’t let you feel anything, try experimenting with different kinds. Just because a condom is one marketed as thinner doesn’t necessarily mean that it is more likely to break. Consumer Reports magazine rates condoms on reliability and other factors, and a few “thin” condoms are usually in the top 5. Other tips to make condom use more pleasurable include using a drop of lube in the tip and making sure not to skip the foreplay. Don’t forget that many guys need just as much foreplay as their girls do, and this can make the overall experience more pleasurable even if condom use cuts down on sensation a little for him.

Objection Two: We don’t need condoms because she’s on birth control

Answer: That may be true, but hormonal birth control doesn’t protect against STDs. Many people have an STD without knowing it, because often the symptoms are subtle or even non-existent. Also, if you really and truly need to make sure she doesn’t get pregnant, having a second method is helpful. There is a small failure rate with the pill, and the failure rate increases the less careful you are about taking it at exactly the same time every day. Having a second method increases the security you can feel about having sex without unintended pregnancy as a result.

Objection Three: He loses his erection whenever he puts a condom on

Answer: That’s not uncommon, but this gets better with practice. Having good sex and learning to use condoms take practice, just like any other skill. The main reason a guy might lose his erection when he puts on a condom is nervousness. There’s some pressure on the guy not to “spoil the moment” and to quickly get the condom out of the package, unrolled, and put on properly. It’s easy to become nervous when you fumble one of the steps. The two best things a girl can do are to stay patient and to offer help if he’s willing. If the girl tries unwrapping and unrolling a condom a few times and sees that it’s not as easy as it looks, she will understand better why she should be patient with him the next time putting on the condom takes a little longer than expected. If you make this process a team effort, you can learn to get the condom on quickly and with little effort. This can help with another objection that sometimes is raised, that condoms interfere with the flow of sex and make it less spontaneous. If a guy is dealing alone with a condom, this can be true. If she keeps kissing and fondling him and offers to open the package or help unroll the condom for him, this becomes a team effort, and you can get the condom on in less than 30 seconds- hardly a huge interruption. And, so what if he loses his erection? It’s best to stay cool, have fun in other ways, and try again next time. You’ll get the hang of it if you keep trying.

Objection Four: Condoms are expensive

Answer: Buying condoms is less expensive than having a baby, so if that’s a consideration, you’re better off investing in condoms. You can often get a small amount of condoms for free from places like Planned Parenthood or other community health clinics, HIV resource centers, and college health centers. Plus, you can buy in bulk, either in a store or online from places like Condom Depot. You should check the expiration date on your condoms, but they’re usually a few years out, so buying in lots of 50 or more is usually a money-saver if you are having sex once a week or more. You can also split a bulk order with friends.